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December 28, 2011

The Soul’s Journey to Freedom

As students of the Heart, we are naturally inquisitive and we want to know what to expect on the soul’s journey to freedom.

Sometimes this journey appears chaotic, breath-taking and disorienting.

Yet, there is nothing “mystical” about this journey.  For when we turn inward, we discover the simple and elegant truth of The Christ’s teaching that the “kingdom of God lies within ...”

As we turn our awareness to Divine, thankfully we discover that the process of spiritual transformation is logical and easily understood by the mind.  In its highest service, the mind helps us determine that which we hold most dearly to the heart and that which we choose to let go of.  So, in its highest service, the mind serves the heart–but it just needs to know how to do so!  The very purpose of this post is to help the mind understand the benchmarks can expect on the journey of spiritual transformation.

While the journey does take twists and turns uniquely designed for each of us–for instance, some people see beautiful lights in meditation while others, well, not so much; or Divine communicates with some students through dreams while others are drawn to music or art–there is a basic outline of transformation that the student of the Heart will map as we sometimes fluidly, sometimes haphazardly, return home:

A Spiritual Awakening occurs.  First, we begin to recognize that we are more than the physical body and we become curious about what the body is experiencing and how the body is experiencing life.  An awakening can happen in a variety of ways: by reading the inspired words of a Great Master; by standing atop Mauna Kea in awe of this Creation; by listening to the teachings of Divine shared through an inspired teacher; by hearing uplifting music; by feeling the power of Source move through us as we complete a project or hobby we enjoy so much that we are free of the space-time continuum.

It is the desire in our heart for freedom that draws the awakening to us and then, our curiosity about that great source of energy (the Holy Spirit, chi, qui, prana, shakti) that flows through us begins to well up:  We are drawn to classes, texts, workshops, people and teachers who inform and support us.  At this point, we may not yet be stabilized in a regular practice of sadhana (spiritual study), but we are gathering information and developing an inquisitive relationship with this source of energy.

Our understanding of the world now begins to shift–sometimes to the point of fight-and-flight response, for we have seen the world a certain way, yet as our conditioned boundaries of right/wrong, yes/no, day/night begin to dissolve, we are vulnerable and, often, scared.

We can feel as if we are perched atop a fence, frozen, unable to move, for on one side of the fence, we see our life as we have known it and, yes, yes, we are sure of that.  Yet, the illuminated landscape on the other side of the fence is so compelling and so magnetic, that we are pulled to its promise of freedom while the very fabric of our being binds us to that past world we have known so well.

We can remain in our old way of being after spiritual awakening and lull ourselves into forgetfulness with busy-ness and obligations and TV and alcohol or drugs.  Or, we can leap over that fence to find ourselves:

Taking it to the Heart.  Once this leap is complete, we stabilize in the practices that make the Heart sing:  Yoga asana (poses), contemplation of the wisdom of the Great Masters, meditation, singing, service to others, and more devotional practices.  These practices wondrously purify the senses and our perception of who we are–yet our heart yearns for God as the Divine is perceived outside of us.  Here, we long for the freedom of the Absolute; we pray for blessings; we yearn for God to come to us, to be with us.  During this time, we sometimes perceive the Divine as everywhere else­–but not within us.  It’s like climbing up a never-ending ladder to a mystical realm that we’ve heard of, and we will, one day, reach … if only we were more dedicated, or smarter, or more worthy (anava mala).  At this stage, sadhana (spiritual study) gives us great joy and hope … yet we long for a union that we feel is outside of the self.

Once we have purified our awareness by removing limiting imprints, judgments and conditioning, once the spiritual energy centers (chakras) are functioning more fully and infused with Source energy, the ego, which previously fueled our desire for true freedom, now dissolves.   This vital stage within the journey home is sometimes referred to as “rebirth” or being “born again.”  (In the yoga tradition, a person who has dissolved the ego is called a jivan mukti (liberated being) but there are various types or levels of jivan mukti.)

When the ego dissolves, those pesky personal preferences, certainties, knowing…well, they melt…..but often during a battle of epic proportion that is well  suited to the ego (and that is adeptly explored through the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita).  During this epic battle, we can become exhausted.  We can become utterly uninterested in life in this world.  The activities that used to bring us worldly pleasure no longer speak to our heart and deep sadness, and even depression, can set in. We dance back and forth between the bliss of Source and an unsettling egoic jig of the worldly realm.   We are saturated with Source Energy, yet also dissipating that energy through individual over-efforting.

Now, thanks to the longing for freedom in our own Heart, we have no where to turn except to the Divine, for now, the soul, in the shedding of the ego, must know True Happiness, rather than happiness merely based on enjoyment of our physical world.  Suffering, which initially, cracked our heart wide open, is relinquished, for as the soul sheds its ego on its journey home, the greatest Love, Prema, Divine Love, offers itself to us in the embrace of bliss.

We now experience the Divine within, as our very being.

Stablization in Unity Consciousness.  Once the ego (ahamkara) is dissolved, we are reborn to God, the Divine, the Absolute.  And it is from this vantage point, that life, which seemed nonsensical and inexplicable to the ramblings of the mind, has become a magical and playful emanation from Source.  We relate to our self as a being of energy.  We experience the world anew, seeing all of creation connected within a great matrix of energy.  The infinite knowledge of the Heart is available to us, so as we read the great scriptures and Sutras and Yogic works, we know their meaning, free from mind interpretation. We see the tendencies and constitutions of others.  We also see how this great, wise Source that created the Universe is working on our behalf, giving us the opportunity in every moment to learn, to grow, to experience full Freedom while in human form. Here, in this space, the central nervous system is no longer effected by life’s ups and downs; cells and organs calm and function more efficiently; we can transform the energy of a space.  In addition, expressions, such as anger and assertiveness, are merely used as tools (rather than weapons) to develop or enhance appropriate relationships.  We also become humble and we seek to serve others and all beings for we realize our actions, words and intentions emanate from Divine and serve Divine.

All is relationship to Divine and, ultimately, all events, actions, relationships and thoughts originate with the Divine in order to serve the Soul, so the Great Soul may know itself and so that our soul may fully recognize and realize itself as The Great Soul.

God left a pathway home to the heart.  That pathway is found in the liberating aftermath of a yoga pose; it’s the sweet space between the in-breath and out-breath; it’s the natural high of devotional singing; it’s the freedom of meditation.

The path of yoga is not mystical. It’s real.  Freedom is not unattainable.  It’s merely a veil away. Go inward … and enjoy the benchmarks along the way!

In Honor of the One Big Heart,

Karunamayi

Through spiritual study, meditation and the longing to experience freedom, my teacher, Sri Vasudeva in Trinidad became liberated and fully stabilized within Unity Consciousness.  You can visit Sri Vasudeva’s web site at: http://www.blue-star.org/home.htm.  I will lead an Anusara Yoga Retreat at Sri Vasudeva’s Blue Star Center this coming year.  Contact me for more information.

August 25, 2011

Desire and the Demise of "I": The Longing for Freedom Dissolves Individual Awareness

The word “I” is beginning to bore me.

“I” feel this.  Or, well ... that.  “I” want to do this. Or, perhaps ... that.  If “I” don’t get my way, they’ll be trouble!

It’s not that “I” is an evil minion, it’s simply that my individual awareness has become mundane, bland, boring.

Reflect upon all the time we spend in our own awareness, in our head, in our confining myopic world, where we only see that which is placed immediately in front of us–yet we cannot envision the immense landscape of the Soul.

Throughout life, we spend most of our years struggling with our limitation of Self.

From this heady vantage point, we constantly search outward for gratification, for moments of fleeting pleasure–while, paradoxically, also longing for moments of revelation that unveil the heart.  We then often needily grasp on to these moments in hopes for more, and we find ourselves praying to God, as helpless beings, to have mercy upon us. 

“I” is a purpose-filled world of repetitive yearning. When we are within the “I,” we traverse through an important period of inward movement and deep questioning that is often accompanied by a Self-induced implosion as the world we have known crumbles in upon itself. 

Ultimately, we find that this “I” world is incomplete, fraught with inconsistency and embellished with pain-filled longing, pining and desire.

When we are purposefully bound in the “I” stage, the vital ingredient within this soupy mixture is to hold on to uplifting desire, rather than downcast pining, for it is the desire for true freedom that facilitates the breakthrough into another world, a world of union, the universe beyond duality, the space where “I” (individual awareness) dissolves, sweetly and lovingly into connection with all beings, with earth, water and sky.

Then, we are never “alone” or “lonely,” and the pining, the neediness and the yearning sweetly drift away, with only fond memories accompanying their journey! 

That old, familiar home, the “I” space, is now shed like clothing that is way too tight.  Beyond the “I,” the infinite, ever-expanding space of Self enchants you, calls you each and every moment into your true, free unbounded nature … and to your soul’s destiny.

You have chosen out of your own free will to enter this self-induced prison of “I,” yet always remember that this “I” space is temporary.  You can quicken the pace of transformation toward freedom by allowing your deepest desire for freedom to call you each day.  Allow desire to become your best friend, your trusted companion.   Until, one day, you will truly know that the temporary bondage of “I” was, indeed, purposefully designed by your soul and Source, in a co-creative pact, to, ultimately, become the great liberator!

All the Great Beings, the Christ, the Buddha, Bhagawan Nityananda, Sri Vasudeva and other yogic saints, have shared that there is a space beyond right and wrong, beyond duality, beyond the confining myopic realm of the mind—these Great Beings offer the deepest wisdom from the space beyond “I” and they inspire us with their words and the Truth of the Self:  “I am That, That I Am.” In Sanskrit terms, So Ham, Shivo Ham.

There is more beyond “I!” Believe with all your heart!

In the words of the Christ:  “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

With deepest love, 

Karunamayi

July 28, 2011 

The Birth of a Name

I have a new name, Karunamayi. It means one of greatest compassion or "mother of compassion," a name given to me by my teacher during a celebrated yogic holiday, Gurupurnima.

While my parents chose a perfectly elegant title, Kathryn, I never really knew what the name meant.  Tall awkward girl of Germanic heritage? Apple that falls far from the family tree? One who makes others uncomfortable? All have applied to me.

Yet I knew my new name was coming. I could feel it. Or rather, I could feel my old name residing, dissolving into an identity with which I no longer resonated.  Kathryn was the girl who grew up in the Midwest, trying her best to navigate within a cultural landscape that she didn't quite comprehend.  Kathryn was the young woman who questioned life as a counter-culture bohemian dressed in black, attended animals rights protests, moved from Washington, D.C. to Hawaii, and, during that journey burned through two husbands.

Kathryn also was the young woman who got real, brought herself to God (the Absolute, the Divine) and to yoga while sometimes cursing, and occasionally screaming, at the Divine during ranting monologues concerning injustices and worldly suffering.

Kathryn was the seeker.  But now that "I" was a finder, Kathryn no longer had much to work with, for fits had subsided, emotions were soothed and Kathryn was rendered devoid of an ability to project troubles onto others, the world or, gasp!, even God.  Kathryn was releasing claim to my soul. 

Outlets exhausted, where does one turn in a last-ditch effort?  Many turn to drugs or alcohol or food or sex or seclusion or delusion.  Relatively few sojourn inside. Deep inside. Beyond the commentary of the mind. Beyond the need to be right or wrong. Beyond persistence of the ego.

Sounds harrowing, doesn't it? It can be, as we often discover unpleasant parts of our self that are abruptly handed an eviction notice as an outcome of life’s calamities.

Yet, turning inward is much preferred to the trauma of being continually catapulted to-and-fro within the asteroid belt of the mind until drugs or alcohol and disconnection appear to be the only way out.

Getting real and going inward taught me that what lies beyond that asteroid belt–beyond the atmospheric burn of purifying my awareness–is bliss, a happiness so profound that it is not in need of egoic validation.  Going inward taught me that my very nature is joy and that this joy is with me 24/7.

My ability to connect with this joy is not dependent upon my job or others' opinions or my bank balance. My ability to connect with joy is determined by my ability to go inward, to tune into the frequency of the Self and to stay connected to that vibration.  

That's where my guru and Karunamayi come in.

While some Westerners hold supercharged or ill-informed assumptions about "guru," the true guru is a blessing to the world. Guru means “weighty one” or “one who moves us from darkness to light.”  It also means teacher.

As you aspire for excellence in any endeavor, the teacher is of paramount value:  an aspiring mathematician studies with the finest math professor; the aspiring writer studies with the published novelist; and so on.  But what of the student who asks questions like "Why am I here," or “What is my soul’s purpose?”  These students seek a teacher who understands the journey of personal transformation, the guide who teaches us about the energy that flows through our physical body (the holy spirit, the chi, the qui, the shakti, the prana; it’s all the same thing).  This teacher is the guru.

When the sincere seeker arrives, often world weary and emotionally drained, at the true guru's feet, the guru is given a perfect opportunity to serve the student!  The guru helps the seeker transcend beyond temporal, fleeting happiness, to the ever-present bliss of Self.  And, this bliss found within is so expansive and so inclusive, that our more familiar worldly love is a mere speck within the never-ending, ever emanating realm of unconditional love that the seeker will, inevitably, find through practice and receptivity to the guru’s ability to “jump start” our awareness.

Certainly, many sincere students go through life without the service of a guru.

But, oh how ignorance dissolves–and contraction melts–when guided by the guru.  The pace of transformation quickens!

I first met my teacher, Sri Vasudeva of Trinidad, during the time of Diwali, the great yogic “festival of lights” that celebrates the transformation from darkness to light, in October of 2006.  I arrived at his Blue Star Centre a bit starry-eyed and arrogant:  I recall being insulted when he shared that I had “potential.”  After all, by that time, I had been practicing yoga for at least seven (gasp!) years.  Potential?  Really?

Today, I view his initial feedback as, simply, a realistic assessment.  Yes, I have the potential (as each of us does) to realize my Divine nature, and it is, ultimately, my free will whether or not to fulfill this potential.

Looking back, it was within the last five years, after meeting my guru, that my yoga practice moved beyond the realm of image, intellect and ego into a powerful experience that magnetically drew me closer to the Heart each day. 

This experience of the Self also birthed humility, and the combination was so compelling that I began to trust my life’s journey and unfolding.  I began to see how my life, from childhood on the rolling, fertile hills of an Iowa farm to current day with my beautiful son living within the sun-kissed shores of Hawaii, was tailor made for me!  I began to trust my Self, to trust the Divine, to trust my co-creation with God.

Once the residue or "story" in Kathryn’s awareness was cleared, she was ready and able to learn from the guru, the one who helps guide you move beyond the struggle of individual effort, self-importance and the ego.

At that point, the clarity of spirit shone through and Karunamayi could be born.

And, Gurupurnima, a day of celebration of the teacher on July 14, 2011, was the day.  Karunamayi was born at five foot, ten inches, 145 pounds, 48 years of age. 

As Karunamayi, I now offer deepest gratitude to Kathryn, to her ever-burning desire for freedom, to her fortitude, her curiosity and her ability to transform and adapt quickly.  Most of all, I honor Kathryn’s uncompromising spirit that whispered each day, “Nothing but freedom will do. Onward we go!”

And, I pranam to Sri Vasudeva, for together we will co-create the evolution of Karunamayi while grace dances within the Heart.

Comments or Questions?  Email me at info@omhawaii.com.